A deep breath.

Such a tender space to be brought to a stop for me. I have never had to take a break in my life, and I never really allowed myself to. Running after "what's next" in our lives allows us to temporarily avoid what is calling our attention deep down.

Even more tender and vulnerable as this is the space I have held for so many in the past years. 

The space of belonging here and now, the space of remembering.

Childhood as well as shock trauma has a strong grip on the way we relate to the world, to our bodies, and to our lives.

Stopping and relaxing means putting down all the guards and armor. Softening the places that have hardened to protect the pain.
Being strong and powerful by not trying anymore to always be strong.

And then the horror. The grief. The pain. The abyss of remembering.

It is mesmerizing to me that somehow, in the places of deep heartbrokenness and tenderness, it is where I do my best service. But here and now, I am being asked to go deeper - much deeper. 

It is frightening despite how much I have learned and practiced different skills to do so. So humbling…

Wrapped in the silky white cloth of my guides, ancestors, teachers, and elders, I commit to that new quest. I commit to the exploration.
Without knowing where it will lead, what it will look like, when it will end.

Sometimes - so often - the strongest and most effective medicines are very bitter. What was my prayer again? I remember I asked for wonder...
To walk between worlds and to be the bridge.

Often (- always?...) the gate of transformation is hidden behind what we are most afraid of. The portal lies under a veil of confusion. As I open myself up to deeper layers of fear, I open up to new places of empathy and compassion with your pain, the pain of the world, and the pain of the Earth.

I have committed during my initiation to never bypass, never leave a stone unturned, and never hide my humanity. To not only accept, but to cherish that we will never be able to run away from our shadows. But to learn how to dance with them.

Trust that what is shown to the world even when it is so dark and frightening is the necessary medicine to heal all there is. Always remembering that even in the darkest places we still shine a very bright light… That there needs to be darkness for us to even be able to shine a light in the first place.
To be a lighthouse.

Embracing the shame that might come with it, the false old stories of never enough, and the wild experience of being stripped totally naked and still feeling safe and welcome. With all there is.

I share this in the spirit of telling you that I am not afraid of your darkest places, nor will I ever judge you, nor will I ever want to fix you.

I want us to belong in the full truth of our humanity. In our flawed perfection.

In the beauty of its despair and hopes. On that bridge between worlds that seem so far apart and yet are so deeply connected by love.